I have been in love with a man (who is a bit older than I) for years, and have recently (within the past few months) started seeing him. We have been good friends for a long time and he has known about my feelings as long as I have had them. We recently found ourselves in a convenient place in our lives and have begun seeing each other. An on and off friend of mine (known her since I was very young) has recently come back into my life, and we’ve been on good terms. She has also known about my feelings for the man for as long as I have had them, and knows where our (mine and his) relationship stands. She knows the intensity of my feelings and has seen me hit rock bottom because of those feelings. Anyway, we all know each other’s families as we grew up (although he came later) at the same cottage resort. I work in the kitchen/at the bar at the "club house" during the summers when I’m off. In early May, she came to me and confessed that she has had a "crush" on him for several months and is hurt when she sees me with him. She strongly implied that she would like me to stop seeing him, and I let her know that I couldn’t do that but would try to tone things down when she is around. She seemed offended that I wouldn’t put her before him, and things have been a little awkward since. Soon after, she started seeking him out while I was working at the club house and he was alone. Before this year, he wouldn’t really hang out with her unless I was around because she annoyed him and he thinks she is immature. He tries to hang around the bar while I’m working, but she will approach him and invite herself over to his cottage to watch late night movies, and not "take hints" when he says he’s going to come see me or he wants her to leave him alone. She actively flirts with him in front of me, and he feels really awkward because he knows how she feels and he knows how I feel about the way she’s been acting toward him. When she’s drunk she’ll stroke his face and sit on his lap and whatnot.
Basically, I’ve been really patient and am trying to be understanding of her feelings, but I’m getting really ticked off and he is feeling very uncomfortable, and I’m trying to keep myself from telling her straight up to back the f___ off. Is it time?
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
She has skin like leather !!!
Your guy has to tell her once and for all to back off, she’ll only try and twist things and say you’re afraid he wants to be with her.
She was on and off as a friend so do not let this silly immature woman try and spoil anything and get your man to speak to her, if it offends, so be it - she’ll get the message,and will back off and leave you both alone. You don’t need a ‘friend’ like that. Don’t let her spoil your happiness.
After reading all of what you wrote above, I can explicitly tell you that yes, it is the time. First of all, she is clearly not a good friend, or for that matter a friend at all. Friends are there to support each other in times of need, and if even after seeing the depth of your feelings for this guy she still wants him for herself, then that is simply selfishness. The act of flirting with him in front of you is probably because she feels jealous of you, and can’t stand the fact that he too has similar feelings about you. The guy who you love, himself is embarrassed by her shows of immaturity, and I think that he would also be thankful to you if you did something to stop it. After all, he has the same feelings about you that you have for him. As for your friend, if you feel uncomfortable about telling her to back off bluntly, then try saying it in a nicer, more sympathetic manner. Be like "Hey you are a great friend…but I dont feel comfortable when you flirt with so-and-so in front of me, because I genuinely love him, and would greatly appreciate it if you respected that". Thats not mean, and yet its firm at the same time.
Best of luck with this my friend, and I hope i helped!
Tell your friend to back off. You saw him first.
The person who is in "charge" of WHO SEES WHOM is your "man." It is HIS responsibility to gently tell this other "lady" that he is not interested in dating her.
If she approaches you again with the, "It hurts me to see you with him" stuff, then you simply tell her, "I’m sorry you’re hurt, but it is his choice whom he dates, not yours, not mine."
Have a polite day.