Okay, this isn't about a wedding, but it is about what comes next. My fiance and I are both older 40 and 50, and we both have our own house. My house is small, one bedroom, and his is 3 bedrooms, two bathrooms. I will be moving into his house as soon as we are married in December. My family has been in the US since the 1700s, and for most of that time, we have lived in Mississippi. So I am truly a southern girl, with my house decorated in an eclectic combination of country, folk art, and a bit of 'cottage-look.' I have a few family antiques, cross stitch and prints with Amish scenes. My fiance's parents immigrated from China when they were children. He lived with and took care of his ailing mother until her death, and that is the house he lives in. His house is filled with china, pictures, and figurines, etc from China which are primarily red and black. Has anyone else had to combine two such different cultures and styles? I would love to chat with you and find out how….
Please don't think I am complaining. I am not. I want for the house to express both of us, but it is going ot be a challenge. Want to know how it worked out for other people. Thanks!!
Combining Two Cultures in One House?
January 17, 2009 · 7 comments
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
This really made me smile because we had a remarkably similar situation when we married…and I am still occasionally quietly moving things into the garage and hoping he doesn't notice…10 years later!
My husband is an Army officer. By the time we met he had already collected furniture and artefacts from places he had lived, all over the World including a great deal of beautifully made hardwood furniture from Hong Kong & China, and a vast amount of paintings and militaria. Everything was richly carved, ornate and dark.
I am half Greek and minimalist! I had some Greek pottery and wall hangings inherited from my Greek Grandmother and my English Grandmother's jewellery and silver but apart from the absolute basics those were the only treasures I wanted and had in my own house which was painted white throughout.
Our first home was a vast Army married Quarter, and we quite literally had to sit down and do 'trades!' of the 'Look, my dining room furniture is lovely and that great dark table is just too big. If we use my dining set, then how about we have your big sofa in the sitting room?'. The negotiations went on for ages! Actually apart from the odd piece here and there (I am sitting next to a carved and ornate Chinese book case that I could happily take a hatchet to!) what we ended up with was a really stylish eclectic mix. We each have rooms in the house that express us most. Our bedroom for instance has my very simple taste and is very plain whilst his Study in which I am sitting is full of leather chairs, dark furniture and military prints. What I have always insisted on is very plain drapes and blinds and plain walls and you would be surprised, with a simple backdrop what mixes you can successfully get away with.
Combining our 'things' really did turn our house into our home and compromising was a good exercise at the beginning of a new marriage but as I said I still have to overrule his love of 'stuff' every now and again!
I think you might find that you enjoy it, and as you love him, you may even come to appreciate some of the things which he loves and you currently don't. Have fun!
Maybe you could take one room and make it your sitting room with all your nick knacks. And then discuss which items he will be taking from the house and then which ones you will be able to do with out. I think if you too just talk about it then it will turn out well. Just don't ask him to let you take over the house let him offer it. Good luck.
Greetings from Michigan,
Been there done that. I get married in 48 days but let me share some of my experiences. I was born and raised by a Christian Family in here michigan. We grew up Upper Middle class, and I never wanted of anything. My Fiance grew up in Siberia (aka Russia) in a small village off the Lena river. He grew up basically dirt poor. He never had any religious foundation because his mother considers Religion "Organized cults". We meet 3 years ago basically by accident, I wasn't into people who did not go to church. However he took to my church going family ok. At first it was very difficult, the language barrier with his other family, his mother and him have been here 10+ years but his extended family didn't speak any English. The Culture and Customs, that was very hard. They don't celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving, to them those holidays are like any other Monday here in the states. For me Christams is BIG in my family, like BIG BIG. My fiance didn't understand why me made such a big deal about Christmas and Thanksgiving. The food, those Russian People made some crazy food, most of it pretty nasty.
For us were in our Early 20s so we really didn't have "Our home, Your home'. Our homes are what his mother and my parents established. However meshing 2 different lifestyles, customs,cultures and religions together were difficult. We still struggle with some things. But we love each other and to me that is all that counts..Right?
I have the same thing going in in my/my fiance's house. I moved into his place, which is styled very Southwestern/Native American (lots of sunset colors, black leather furniture, steer skulls). My previous home was country/shabby chic, which sounds similar to what you had. My advice is to look at everything you have as a couple and "find places" for things. Pay attention to colors and colors that look good together as opposed to styles. For example, I have a hand-made crazy quilt in a variety of bright calico colors….and it looks nice draped over the back of one of the leather sofas. We redid the kitchen in a yellow/peach scheme and use some of his knick-knacks as accent pieces with my country kitchen table and shaker chairs. Also look at some design magazines. You'll notice that the nicest "designed" rooms aren't in one strict style or another, but in a mish-mosh. Also, look on the web or in books for examples of Plantation homes. As you're aware, many of the old southerners were merchants and landowners who routinely traveled to the Far East on business. I was recently in New Orleans on vacation and saw some plantation homes in the Garden District on a tour. There were many examples of furniture and textiles from Asia mixed in with the English and French styled furniture of the day. It all somehow worked.
Another thing you could do is room-by-room decorating. Make one room Asian-flavored, another room country, etc. That approach works well if you're not comfortable mixing styles and like a more "unified" look.
Yes, I see what you mean. Im American. Husband is Japanese. I am a firm believer that if you thoughtfully arrange things, it will turn out in a way that reflects you. Right now though we own our own home it is TINY by American standards, so I focus mainly on space and good use of it. We have a wonderful mix of Western and Japanese items throughout the house. We also display different items such as Chinese binding shoes I received from my grandmother when she died. Not to toot my own horn, but I get a lot of compliments when we have guests over. I think the best approach is to look at the architectural structure of your home. Which spaces are meant for what? What can you re-invent? What can you improve on? What can you use in a new way? What is great and should stay as it is? Take your cue from the lines of the house. It is the backbone of everything.
Try something, and if it doesnt work, move it.
If the two need something to pull them together, you might try paint on the wall, as color is good for unifying items that are really different.
A home is a work in progress; let your taste guide the way.
I worked at an architectural library for 5 years; I learned a lot flipping through the magazines and books.
I'm getting ready to combine but it's not as severe as your case. My fiance is from Central America but has grown up in the USA so most of his cultural pieces are tame. However, he has been sneaking VW toys (which he collects) and displaying them throughout the house. I will go to dust a shelf and find a Beetle or wipe down the kitchen counter and find a bus!
Perhaps you could designate rooms that are decorated by each of you or pick a few rooms to "start over" on and make the room match both of your styles.
Good luck to you!
my husband and I bought a house right after we got married but we also had to combine to house holds. The only thing that was good with me was he gave me the whole house to decorate and he did not object to anything. The only thing is I did not want to be a b and not add any of his things so I mad several areas in the house with his things. The only thing is with him it was not a culture thing it was his sport stuff. I know how important it was to him when he lived on his own so I did not want to take his whole life and throw it in a box.